“Should I text them?” — famous last words during a breakup. We’ve all been there: going through countless tissue boxes, unable to eat or get out of bed, wondering if we’ll ever recover or feel like ourselves again.
What you might not realize is that there is actually a scientific process to experiencing and recovering from a breakup, one that is controlled by a combination of hormones, chemicals and learned behavioral patterns.
So, before you pick up that phone, consider reminding yourself of the chemical changes occurring in your brain.
LOVE AND HEARTBREAK SHARE SYMPTOMS WITH ADDICTION
According to reports from Burkett and Young, love, heartbreak and addiction share similar psychological symptoms.
Love can lead to euphoria and a loss of control and time, meaning trying to move on or “forget” a former romantic partner can have symptoms similar to withdrawal from an addiction, they explained, according to an article from EBSCO.
After a breakup, as you struggle to grasp the reality of the situation, you might suffer an intense craving for your former sense of routine, identity, vision of the future or attachment to your ex-partner.
https://www.healthline.com/While in the relationship, you most likely felt a strong desire to be with your ex-lover, who might have filled you with a sense of relaxation or passion, often what is described as “love.” But, scientifically speaking, when “in love,” your brain releases dopamine, your serotonin levels increase and your body produces oxytocin, three emotions and hormones associated with feeling good and bonding, according to an article from Healthline.
When you are separated from your partner, the craving you feel for them can be partially attributed to a drop in these “feel-good” hormones. Your body feels a sense of confusion, as it was addicted to these hormones and the emotions you felt while “in love.”
According to an article from Healing Honeys, when an MRI scanner was used to look at the brains of those suffering through “unwanted” breakups, an image of their former partner caused the same parts of their brain to light up as if a drug addict saw an image of their “drug of choice” while going cold turkey from the drug.
A BREAKUP CAN TRIGGER WITHDRAWAL-LIKE SYMPTOMS
Given the drop in essential “feel-good” hormones and emotions after a breakup, along with the absence of someone you may have felt addicted to, breakups can trigger symptoms similar to withdrawal.
According to an article from StrIVeMD Wellness and Ketamine, when withdrawing from the rush of dopamine from your partner, which would have led to increased happiness and excitement during the relationship, you might suffer depression, low motivation or a feeling of “emptiness” soon after the breakup.
Similarly, the drops in oxytocin, or the “love hormone,” can lead to intense loneliness, anxiety or a craving for your partner, the article described. Disruptions in serotonin, which is essential for mood regulation and emotional well-being, can cause increased anxiety, irritability, despair and mood swings.
And, of course, cortisol — the stress hormone. When going through a breakup, you are almost guaranteed to feel increased stress due to the wave of intense emotions, life changes and possible fear for the future. This increased stress can lead to poor sleep, changes in appetite (increased or decreased) and fatigue or depression.
Amanda Ashley, a Florida licensed mental health counselor, and the founder of Lit Session Holistic Integrative Wellness Inc., said breakups often lead to an urge to return to what’s familiar, even if you know it logically no longer serves you.
“It can look like drunk texts, checking social media compulsively, fatigue, loss of appetite or difficulty concentrating,” she said. “I sometimes use humor and call it ‘crackhead behavior’ to reduce shame, but it’s important to understand this is a nervous system response, not a character flaw. The brain is recalibrating after the loss of connection.”
HOW TO EASE THE ADDICTION AND WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS AFTER A BREAKUP
When suffering through the withdrawal symptoms after a breakup, you might feel an overwhelming urge to reach out to your ex-partner. Yet, remind yourself that you might not be thinking clearly and should allow yourself time to be alone and process your thoughts and emotions.
According to an article from Psychology Today, one call, text or image of your former partner can bring back those withdrawal symptoms and re-enter you into the cycle of addiction, shame and craving, making it harder to move on.
No matter how challenging it may be, as stated in the article, Dr. Lachmann recommends learning how to power through these withdrawal symptoms, letting yourself “breathe through the paralyzing fear” of the relationship and your future.
Studies also recommend taking a period of time to fully separate yourself from your former partner, allowing yourself to suffer through the withdrawal symptoms, yet break the addiction cycle. This could include setting a 30-day goal on your calendar, meaning you are not allowed to communicate with your ex, look at images of them or view their social media during the allotted time.
“Breakups don’t break us — they disrupt our chemistry, our routines and our sense of safety,” Ashley said. “Healing happens when we stop judging the reaction and start supporting the nervous system beneath it. With patience, structure and self-trust, heartbreak becomes a powerful reset rather than a setback.”
