Did You Lose Yourself in A Relationship?

By Diane Hernandez

It happened again. You fell head-over-heels into a relationship thinking you’d let old habits go. Six months later, your partner is your world. But you feel frustrated, and you don’t know what to do. 

You’ve self-isolated from friends and dedicated every breathing moment to love. You’ve stopped working out. You’ve sacrificed the time you spent roller skating, bowling and painting, gifting those thirty minutes to the love of your life. 

Stop that. You’re losing yourself. Your partner fell in love with you because of you. They loved your hobbies. They loved that you went out with friends. They loved your identity and personhood. Don’t become your partner to not lose them. Grow closer through growing apart; here’s how you can do that. 


Everyone says communication is key. Turns out, they’re not wrong. Communicate your expectations and set boundaries. Contrary to popular belief, your significant other is not a mind reader. 

If you want more physical affection, tell them. If you need more space, tell them. If you want anything whatsoever, communicate that need and set an expectation. 

Be Yourself

It’s easy to forget about your hobbies when in a relationship. Your free time is time you spend with your significant other. However, it’s important to retain your identity. Remember to do what makes you happy. Without hobbies, you lose your interests, talk less to friends and feel more stressed. 

If you like the gym, work out. If you like to paint, paint! If you like to sing, don’t stop! Dedicate time to doing things without your partner and prioritize yourself. 

Give AND Take! 

Don’t serve your heart on a platter. Keep some pieces for yourself. In a relationship, you might feel tempted to give a partner everything you have. This stems from wanting approval and validation. 

However, giving more love doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily receive more love. Instead, communicate what you expect from your partner and remember to stay true to your values. You don’t always have to compromise, especially if something doesn’t align with your lifestyle or views. 

In a relationship, two individuals come together and choose to live side-by-side. Partners choose to share hobbies, moments and memories. However, in a healthy relationship, partners stay individuals and retain what makes them unique and special. 


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