I like to say that I’m not much into Jan. 1 resolutions, but the reality is that I spend the days leading up to the new year dreaming about goals, setting up spreadsheets, wondering if this year will be the year, searching for new running shoes, and resisting the urge to smash every full-body mirror I walk by. For me, this approach has worked about as well as a soggy taco shell, so it’s time to abandon my usual approach.
My New Year’s resolutions for 2022:
I resolve to stop using tacos as a punchline.
I resolve to drink 400 gallons of water for the year.
I resolve to not count any water toward the 400 that’s combined with the words seltzer or tonic and mixes with other friendly fluids.
I resolve to not feel guilty about enjoying the foods and meals I love, as long as I put enough distance between my trysts with them.
I resolve to stretch more, sweat more, swim more, sleep more, smile more, snore less.
I resolve to eat more green foods and fewer brown foods (and, I guess, beverages).
I resolve to go all in on a big goal.
I resolve to retain the right to delete the above resolution after publication.
I resolve to get the following things checked and monitored for optimum health: skin, eyes, teeth, pantry.
I resolve to spend more time in the moment and less time on my devices. And vices.
I resolve to try cauliflower pizza crust at least once.
I resolve to ditch the year-long slog and instead make New Day’s resolutions by choosing one health goal I want to accomplish that day.
I resolve to win the day.
I resolve to win the year.