I’d consider myself a master of talking to myself. Whether I’m playing out movie scenes in my head, staging imaginary arguments to vent out frustration or just working through my day out loud: work, relationships, all of it. And every now and then, it earns me a few strange looks from the driver in the car next to me.

Talking to oneself can serve as a mentally soothing activity, helping you to stay on track with your responsibilities, ease anxiety and frustration and eventually, fall in love with your own personality. But what is the science behind this process, and how can you use it to your advantage?

WHY DO WE TALK TO OURSELVES?

Everyone has an inner voice. This is that internal monologue that voices your decisions, guides your conscious thoughts and holds your belief systems.

Talking to yourself can include having a conversation with your inner voice, either out loud or silently in your head. Amanda Ashley, a Florida-licensed mental health counselor and the founder of Lit Session Holistic Integrative Wellness Inc., said that talking to oneself is one of the most natural ways to connect with one’s thoughts.

“It allows us to check in with our alignment, challenge and validate our beliefs and actually hear ourselves,” she said. “Spaces like the car or the shower create the perfect environment, there’s privacy, there’s rhythm and your body is often on autopilot.”

During these moments, your mind finally has a quiet, safe space to speak, Ashley said. It can also create a space for many people to truly relax into their own thoughts. Except for the occasional appearance of road rage, Ashley said.

Self-talk mirrors and extends the practices used in therapy, where people can process their thoughts, feelings and actions out loud. Ashley said that this behavior is not only normal but also necessary.

“I often say if you can’t talk to yourself, it’s going to be difficult to expect anyone else to truly hear you,” she said.

SELF-TALK CAN IMPROVE STRUGGLES WITH MENTAL HEALTH

Talking to oneself and saying things out loud helps an individual take accountability for their thoughts. This, in turn, helps them shape behaviors and habits through increased awareness, Ashley said.

“A word spoken is a word felt,” she says. “What stays silent often stays unchallenged.”

This is partly due to an emotional release that occurs when talking to oneself. Mental health struggles like depression, anxiety and general feelings of overwhelm and stress are linked to suppression. Even if you might think you are relaxing, you might not be processing all of the stress you’ve experienced. You may even be avoiding them.

Addressing these emotions, thoughts and feelings can lead to the sense of a lighter body and less internal pressure. Have you ever noticed when you’re stressed, your chest feels tight and heavy? This might be a sign that you need to unload. This process can also lead to increased self-awareness and a stronger sense of personal accountability, Ashley said. “For some, especially those who process differently, speaking out loud can also be a way of seeing themselves more clearly, not just thinking, but experiencing their thoughts in real time,” she said.

SELF-TALK CAN BOOST CONFIDENCE

After a period of focusing on spending more time alone, instead of constantly aiming to fill my time with others, I noticed that having conversations with myself, whether making jokes or laughing at something that happened, helped me develop a more positive view of myself and reduce negative self-talk. I began to believe that I was funny and really had something to say that mattered. I also felt comfortable meeting and speaking to new people.

By talking to yourself — whether it’s having imaginary conversations or discussing what’s bothering you – you can get to know your own mind better. This allows you to become more familiar with what you enjoy talking and thinking about and what you value.

Psychologists also recommend motivational self-talk, which involves verbally listing things you like about yourself. For example, one can repeat positive phrases like “you’ve got this” or “keep going,” or state affirmations like “I am safe” when anxious.

According to Upper East Side Psychology, this motivational self- talk can build resilience and motivation by helping you uplift and encourage yourself. This can help you keep your energy up during challenging moments.

This is the foundation of your relationship with yourself, Ashley said, and it doesn’t necessarily mean ignoring your “shadow.” Instead, it means meeting and reflecting on your critical voices, reactive patterns and wounded beliefs.

“Talking to yourself is one of the most vulnerable conversations you’ll ever have,” she said. “It requires honesty. But it also builds trust within yourself … Because those parts [wounded beliefs, negative thoughts and traits, reactive patterns, etc.] are not problems to eliminate but rather parts of a whole to better understand.”

TALKING TO YOURSELF CAN IMPROVE FOCUS, CLARITY AND LEARNING

Research also shows that frequently talking to yourself can improve your ability to focus, learn and solve problems.

According to an article from MI Blue Daily, when you recite reminders about your day, key
points or instructions, you practice strengthening your ability to
concentrate, remember things and not become distracted.

This is also because humans learn through patterns and process with their senses. This means that when you speak out loud, you’re also hearing tone, noticing word choice and feeling the rhythm of your words, Ashley said.

“Your voice carries information: emotion, truth, hesitation, certainty,” she said. Sound makes things real. It makes them evident. It gives your thoughts form. Often, our minds are holding multiple timelines, perspectives and possibilities all at once, so it can feel like a knot.”

Speaking out loud can help to remove this knot and create a sense of clarity, rather than confusion, in your daily life and stress responses. Over time, you might notice that you listen to yourself more honestly or do not fight your own beliefs or thinking as often.

HOW CAN YOU INCORPORATE SELF-TALK AND UNLOADING INTO YOUR DAY?

Every day, the average moments are the best times to practice positive self-talk and unloading, either in your head or out loud.

Ashley said she encourages people to dedicate at least 10% of their day to themselves intentionally. This can be done through things like talking to oneself in the shower, a solo drive, a morning or evening routine or just standing in the mirror for a few moments.

“It’s about consistency, not perfection … self-talk becomes a habit when self-connection becomes a priority,” she said. “In a world that often feels dysregulated and overstimulating, it becomes our individual responsibility to create internal balance… when we regulate our inner world, we naturally contribute to a more grounded and peaceful outer one.”

Below is a list of ways to start, according to Ashley, especially for those who might struggle with a negative inner dialogue.

• Soften the negative thoughts that are strict and final, like “I’m not where I should be.” Instead, say things like “I’m not where I should be… but I know where I want to be” or “I’m not where I should be… and I’m taking steps to change that.”
• To address repetitive negative thoughts, say things like “says who?” or “so what?”
• Practice mirror work, or looking at yourself and “speaking truth out loud.” This helps create a sense of vulnerability, alignment and authenticity, and it builds a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

The next time you feel overwhelmed by work, experience physical tension, sense a loss of connection with yourself or detect an overall lack of confidence, consider trying the above methods to improve your relationship. A more positive, stronger relationship with yourself is the first step to a healthier, well-balanced relationship with your friends and loved ones.

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