The season of resolutions usually brings about mantras of motivation and fist-pounding declarations that this year — THIS YEAR! — will be the one in which we [stop smoking/lose 25 pounds/give up bacon-cheese fries]. For good reason, too. Coming off a month-long gorging of the pies, we see the new year as an opportunity to make changes for the better. Instead of announcing one overall resolution, this year I’m going to try something different by instituting a few changes that will hopefully improve my health, fitness and overall wellness. Let’s bring a new meaning to New Year, New You!
1. I resolve to spend more time with my standing desk in the “up” position and less time with my butt in the “we’re happy right where we are” position.
2. I resolve to stop serving butter with an ice-cream scoop.
3. I resolve to never again — to protect my fellow mankind — forget to pack my towel in my gym bag.
4. I resolve to never participate in a cleanse, unless it involves a fungus.
5. I resolve to make sure I do three things every weekday morning: Drink a big glass of water, get in a good workout (even if it’s short) and cut coffee intake from 44 ounces to 42.
6. I resolve to stop putting eggnog in my coffee.
7. I resolve to eat more avocados without using chips as the primary vehicle of choice.
8. I resolve to make appointments for annual screenings for my skin and eyes, even if I have no freaking clue which looks clearer — 1 or 2, 2 or 1, 1 or 2.
9. I resolve to stretch a few times every week, even if it’s for a few minutes and even if my body is as flexible as a fence post.
10. I resolve to try one fitness class I have never tried before. (Note: I reserve the right to withdraw the resolution if you think for one minute I’m doing a fitness dance class. Even though I once won $20 and a six-pack of iced tea at an Electric Slide contest at a bowling alley in the mid-‘90s.)
11. I resolve to run more races and not just for the post-event bagels.
12. I resolve to have more resolve when it comes to at-work doughnuts, second helpings and panko-crusted anything.
13. I resolve that next year a list like this will not be necessary.